The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #64

64. Dark Tranquillity – Haven (2000)

A Safe Pick

And I still have no idea what the fuck this is

If any band defines Consistency, it’s Dark Tranquillity. This band has never made a bad album and Haven is no exception. It’s also marks the most significant lineup change for the band, with the addition of keyboardist Martin Brändström and Bassist Michael Nicklasson after the departure of guitarist Fredrick Johansson and the movement of Martin Henriksson from bass to guitar. The fact that it still ranks as one of the band’s best even after this change just makes it that much better.

Haven finds its niche by being experimental in a very different way than Projector was. Clean vocals are used less frequently, while the keyboards are even more prominent. It’s not for everyone as it’s DT’s most keyboard-driven and atmospheric album, creating many similarities with bands like Epic and Dimmu Borgir. What’s truly amazing about Haven is that it manages to be a far better symphonic metal album than either of those bands have produced in this decade. While never completely jumping on the symphonic metal bandwagon as previous and subsequent albums have little in common with Haven, DT have instead created a special album that holds a unique place in their discography.

 

 

The List so far

100. Astarte – Demonized

99. Rotting Christ – Theogonia

98. Enslaved – Vertebrae

97. Arch Enemy – Wages of Sin

96. The Red Chord – Fused Together in Revolving Doors

95. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Agorapocalypse

94. Cavalera Conspiracy – Inflikted

93. Susperia – Unlimited

92. Metallica – Death Magnetic

91. Sunn O))) – Monoliths and Dimensions

90. Kamelot – The Black Halo

89. High on Fire – Death is This Communion

88. Deicide – The Stench of Redemption

87. Type O Negative – Life is Killing Me

86. Winds of Plague – The Great Stone War

85. Negura Bunget – Om

84. Napalm Death – Smear Campaign

83. Tool – 10,000 Days

82. Wolves in the Throne Room – Two Hunters

81. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn

80. Epica – The Divine Conspiracy

79. Sodom – M-16

78. God Forbid – Constitution of Treason

77. Samael – Reign of Light

76. Lamb of God – As the Palaces Burn

75.  Mayhem – Ordo ad Chao

74. Fuck the Facts – Disgorge Mexico

73. Clutch – Blast Tyrant

72. Origin – Antithesis

71. Bloodbath – The Fathomless mastery

70. Aborym – Fire Walk With Us!

69. Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor

68. Strapping Young Lad – SYL

67. Children of Bodom – Hate Crew Deathroll

66. Immortal – Sons of Northern Darkness

65. Meshuggah – ObZen

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #65

65. Meshuggah – ObZen (2008)

Betcha Can’t Play This!

Well I just killed a busload of kindergarteners. Time to sit back and grab some R&R

It took Meshuggah months just to learn how to play what they wrote for ObZen. Now keep in mind that Meshuggah are accomplished musicians who have made a highly successful career out of playing music that’s impossible for mere mortals to play. And even when they finally learned how to play the entirety of ObZen well enough to finally go into the studio, they couldn’t play it in any time signature other than 4/4. That should give you a good idea of how insane this album is.

ObZen is a benchmark for any would be musicians to test their skills since no matter how long the average person practices, he or she will never be able to reach the benchmark of this album. And with that, I give you our guest reviewer to break down the finer points of this album since I’m not a musician myself. He’s somebody who can actually understand this album, ladies and gentlemen… Killinator 2000.*

101001010100010011001001001010101010101010010101010101001010101010101001010101010101001010101010100101010101010101001010101101010101010010101011010010101011111101001010101001010101010111111110100111111111110000111111111111111101010010101010111111010101010101001010111111101010100101010101010101010100101010101010010101010101010101010100101010101100101010101010101010100101010101010010101010101010010101010100101010101011010100101010101011010101010101010101010101010101101010101100101010101010101001010101010101010100101

Translation: Meshuggah is a pretty cool guy, eh plays lotz of tech riffs and doesn’t afraid of anything. ObZen is OMG Mega-awesomez. Lots of ROFLICIOUS guitar and Tomas Haake makes lots of UBERFAST drumming noises like OVER 9000 bpm. OMG ROFL ROFL ROFL. I lovez teh albumz.

 

 

*I couldn’t find somebody with a PHD in music composition but I could find an evil robot programmed to destroy humanity. That’s close enough, right?

 

The List so far

100. Astarte – Demonized

99. Rotting Christ – Theogonia

98. Enslaved – Vertebrae

97. Arch Enemy – Wages of Sin

96. The Red Chord – Fused Together in Revolving Doors

95. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Agorapocalypse

94. Cavalera Conspiracy – Inflikted

93. Susperia – Unlimited

92. Metallica – Death Magnetic

91. Sunn O))) – Monoliths and Dimensions

90. Kamelot – The Black Halo

89. High on Fire – Death is This Communion

88. Deicide – The Stench of Redemption

87. Type O Negative – Life is Killing Me

86. Winds of Plague – The Great Stone War

85. Negura Bunget – Om

84. Napalm Death – Smear Campaign

83. Tool – 10,000 Days

82. Wolves in the Throne Room – Two Hunters

81. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn

80. Epica – The Divine Conspiracy

79. Sodom – M-16

78. God Forbid – Constitution of Treason

77. Samael – Reign of Light

76. Lamb of God – As the Palaces Burn

75.  Mayhem – Ordo ad Chao

74. Fuck the Facts – Disgorge Mexico

73. Clutch – Blast Tyrant

72. Origin – Antithesis

71. Bloodbath – The Fathomless mastery

70. Aborym – Fire Walk With Us!

69. Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor

68. Strapping Young Lad – SYL

67. Children of Bodom – Hate Crew Deathroll

66. Immortal – Sons of Northern Darkness

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #66

66. Immortal – Sons of Northern Darkness (2002)

Grim and Frostbitten Popsicles of the Winterdemons

THE most Photoshopped image on the interwebs this side of Advice Dog

Immortal. A band who’s frontman can be photoshopped onto any picture to make it funny. I could make this entire post on Abbath photoshop jobs but I won’t. No matter how entertaining they are.*

Their final album before going on hiatus continues the sound started on Blizzard Beasts and it appears that Immortal have indeed perfected the style that they themselves pioneered. Abbath’s guitar riffs are as catchy and energetic as ever. This guy never runs out of inspiration for new and exciting musical ideas and Sons of Northern Darkness is no exception for Immortal’s sole remaining member and main songwriter.

Sons of Northern Darkness stands as one of Immortal’s absolute best albums. It takes something truly special to hold fans over after a three year hiatus followed by a two year world tour and All Shall Fall was truly that important of a release. And let’s face it, songs like In My Kingdom Cold, One by One and Beyond the North Waves have redefined epic. Now excuse me while I eat an invisible sandwich.

*Oh fuck it, here are some Immortal Photoshops

The List so far

100. Astarte – Demonized

99. Rotting Christ – Theogonia

98. Enslaved – Vertebrae

97. Arch Enemy – Wages of Sin

96. The Red Chord – Fused Together in Revolving Doors

95. Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Agorapocalypse

94. Cavalera Conspiracy – Inflikted

93. Susperia – Unlimited

92. Metallica – Death Magnetic

91. Sunn O))) – Monoliths and Dimensions

90. Kamelot – The Black Halo

89. High on Fire – Death is This Communion

88. Deicide – The Stench of Redemption

87. Type O Negative – Life is Killing Me

86. Winds of Plague – The Great Stone War

85. Negura Bunget – Om

84. Napalm Death – Smear Campaign

83. Tool – 10,000 Days

82. Wolves in the Throne Room – Two Hunters

81. Sigh – Hangman’s Hymn

80. Epica – The Divine Conspiracy

79. Sodom – M-16

78. God Forbid – Constitution of Treason

77. Samael – Reign of Light

76. Lamb of God – As the Palaces Burn

75.  Mayhem – Ordo ad Chao

74. Fuck the Facts – Disgorge Mexico

73. Clutch – Blast Tyrant

72. Origin – Antithesis

71. Bloodbath – The Fathomless mastery

70. Aborym – Fire Walk With Us!

69. Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor

68. Strapping Young Lad – SYL

67. Children of Bodom – Hate Crew Deathroll

Thrash & Ass #2: Bekah

Bekah (via Facebook)

1) How long have you been a metal fan, and what made you become one?

I’m 21.  I’ve been a metal fan half of my life, and I came to be this way because one day I heard Judas Priest…clearly never turned back, and why would I?  The energy from the band, and the energy it filled me with is a kind that nothing could and never will replace or duplicate.  It’s not just music to me, it’s a way of life, a way of being and I couldn’t not love it…if I tried.  I can only be what I am and know.

2) What are your top 3 favorite metal sub-genres, and which band is your favorite in each?

Black Metal – Windir

Death/Thrash Metal – Morbid Saint

Speed Metal – Holy Terror

3) Where would we be most likely to find you at a metal show – the front row, the pit, the bar, or somewhere else entirely?

Death Metal Show – Pit.

Black Metal Show – Front Row.

Any other Show – All over the place.

4) If you could have sex with any musician in a metal band, guy or girl, who would it be and why?

Well…Chuck Schuldiner of Death is dead.  Terje Valfar Bakken of Windir is dead.  Therefore my choice would be Jørn Steingrim Holen of Vreid.  Amazingly talented, great voice.  I go for the mind but he’s clearly not bad on the eyes.  Oof!!

5) What makes metal girls so special compared to every other kind of girl?

Well I’d think we’re only special to certain people just like anyone else.  I love my metal.  And I KNOW my metal.  If that’s what you’re into, or looking for well then hell I guess I have quite the potential to be special to you.  I’ll never try to concur with you to impress you because I don’t care.  However I do care if you don’t know what you’re talking about and therefore I’ll be there to educate and if you aren’t willing to listen (like I would) well then I don’t want or care to be “special” to you.

AND NOW, A TOTALLY UNRELATED THRASHSTERPIECE

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #67

67. Children of Bodom – Hate Crew Deathroll (2003)

Load the Sixpounder!!!!!!!!!!

You Have Made a CoB Interpretation Video for the Last Time

Rise, Roasts of War!

Holiday Nazi Death Camp (via Slate.com)

Before I even get to the meat (heh) of this post, what unholy fuck force of nature is sadistic enough to give Ronnie James Dio stomach cancer on the day before Thanksgiving?!  Of all the different flavors of cancer, from testicular to breasticular, why let it be the one that affects an organ he needs to enjoy the same things the rest of us will today?  That’s just cruel.  In all seriousness, we wish Dio the speediest of recoveries and the happiest Thanksgiving he can possibly have on a hospital diet; the rest of you ought to at least be thankful that you have the opportunity to enjoy a dessert that isn’t pudding or gelatin.

Now, on to the selfish shit!

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #68

68. Strapping Young Lad – SYL (2003)

Six Years Later They Return to Rock my Hairy Anus

This is all that remains when you eat a chicken alive

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade: #69

69. Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor (2005)

ROFLOL 69

Impaling heades on pikes? When I was a kid, the worst I did was play with matches!

Thrash & Ass #1: Brandy

Brandy (via MySpace)

1) How long have you been a metal fan, and what made you become one?

16 years. My dad took me to see (Dio) Black Sabbath’s  Dehumanizer tour, 1992! Changed my life!

2) What are your top 3 favorite metal sub-genres, and which band is your favorite in each?

Thrash – Sepultura

Death – Death

Prog – Gojira

3) Where would we be most likely to find you at a metal show – the front row, the pit, the bar, or somewhere else entirely?

You can always find me in the front row. (Fuck the pit, that’s for dudes!)  I HAVE to watch the musicians play their instruments. What’s the purpose of going to a live show if i cant see the band? I want a full sensory experience…so i don’t drink much at concerts either.

4) If you could have sex with any musician in a metal band, guy or girl, who would it be and why?

Man…tough one! I’m picking Ben Falgoust from Goatwhore.He’s so fucking sexy it makes me knees shake. Saw them in concert and i am pretty sure i had a spontaneous orgasm! (Peter Steele almost made it)

5) What makes metal girls so special compared to every other kind of girl?

Metal girls are genuine music lovers. We want to be a part of a genre that includes people with actual talent, not some pre-fab shit made in a studio. Its not about what’s “in” with us…its about what moves or grooves us. Plus, we are outnumbered like 20-1 at most concerts and to handle an environment like that you HAVE to be special!

AND NOW, A TOTALLY UNRELATED THRASHSTERPIECE

10 Questions with Chimp Spanner

Chimp Spanner (via MySpace)

It’s been a while since I’ve done a good interview, but this one with Paul Ortiz of Chimp Spanner fame surely makes up for the long break.  If you’re a fan of Bulb, Periphery, Tesseract, or Fellsilent, then this guy’s otherworldly brand of metal will be right up your alley.  He knows how to answer questions pretty damn well too.